lolnonymous

aztecravemonkey


AZTEC RAVE MONKEY

Don't mess with the light switch.


Intro Post: Jax's Adventures In Fandom Land
lolnonymous
aztecravemonkey
Everything you (n)ever wanted to know about Jax but were afraid to ask!

Intro Paragraph: About MeCollapse )

List of fandoms, favorite characters, pairings, et cetera.Collapse )

Closing: Rec List Link + Messenger InfoCollapse )

This entry was cross-posted from http://mercoledi.dreamwidth.org/22637.html.

Crossposted everywhere! COMMISSIONS~!
lolnonymous
aztecravemonkey
(Yes, I know. I'm behind in literally everything as it is. BUT STILL.)

HELLO, WRITER FOLKS! :D

I'll be brief. Right now, I have Adobe Creative Cloud, which I'm paying $50 a month for. I just graduated from college, which means I'm now ineligible for the student and teacher editions of Adobe products. However, I want to continue making ebooks (which is something I genuinely enjoy doing), but the software I'm looking at in order to stop paying $50 a month is $1.5k. (I know. I know. It's not exactly a necessity, other than the fact that I'm hoping to continue on with awesome artsy things without worrying about monthly payments cutting into my student loan payback funds.)

In order to help alleviate that cost, I've decided to start taking commissions!

To fanfic authors out there, I design ebooks. I can create covers and layout pages exactly as you want them, from fonts to illustrations, and I can create customizable, DRM-free books that work on Nooks, Kindles, and iPads.

Examples!
Covers, including vector art done by yours truly
Page layouts (Yes, I can also format fan magazines for epub!)

Tools I Use!
All tools come from Adobe Creative Cloud and are, therefore, version 6 (technically).
Page layouts via InDesign.
Vector cover art via Illustrator/extensive mousework.
Image editing (including exporting covers to image files) via Photoshop.
Code cleanup and HTML/CSS styling via Dreamwidth.
Non-Adobe tools used: Kindle Gen (for MOBI exporting)

Pricing!
Short stories (one-chapter* works): $4 without cover art, $6 with
Short chaptered works (2 to 15 chapters): $8 without cover art, $10 with
Long chaptered works (16+): $12+ without cover art, $15+ with **

* For script fics, poetry anthologies, collections of essays/articles (including fan magazines), please note that each scene, poem, or article could potentially count as a chapter. If I need to make a table of contents for your work, you have more than one chapter according to e-readers.

** Note: If you have a work over fifty chapters long or longer, I ask for a $1 additional charge for each chapter after your fiftieth. So for example, if your work is fifty-six chapters long, I will ask for $21 as payment.

Payment options!
PayPal only! Sorry! orz

Questions? Comments? Requests?
Feel free to PM me or comment! :D


Thanks so much for your time!

This entry was cross-posted from http://mercoledi.dreamwidth.org/124933.html.

Part III: IN WHICH ARCEUS SAVES THE JEWS FROM THE HOLOCAUST. NO, REALLY.
lolnonymous
aztecravemonkey
WELCOME TO THE MOST INCOHERENT AND RANDOM-AS-FUCK CHAPTER WE'VE ENCOUNTERED SO FAR.

LET THAT SINK IN FOR A SECOND.

THIS CHAPTER MAKES LESS SENSE THAN ANY OTHER CHAPTER WE'VE GONE THROUGH SO FAR.

WARNINGS: THE USUAL. VIOLENCE. RAPE. DISCUSSIONS OF THE HOLOCAUST. HORRENDOUS DEPICTIONS OF RELIGION AND RACE. TORTURE. Y'KNOW.

IT'S LIKE HE GOT BORED AND SWITCHED TO ANOTHER SCENE OUT OF NOWHERE.Collapse )

This entry was cross-posted from http://mercoledi.dreamwidth.org/124560.html.

Chapter II: APPARENTLY, THIS IS GOING TO BE A DAILY THING OR SOMETHING.
WTF?
aztecravemonkey
BECAUSE READING THIS FIC IS LIKE WATCHING A CAR ACCIDENT. YOU JUST CAN'T TAKE YOUR EYES AWAY FROM IT UNTIL YOU REAR END THE CAR IN FRONT OF YOU AT THIRTY MILES AN HOUR.

ALSO, THIS IS JUST FOR YOU. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

WARNINGS: DISCUSSIONS OF SEX, ZOOPHILIA, HORRENDOUS DEPICTIONS OF JUDAISM AND THE HOLOCAUST, RAPE, TORTURE, VIOLENCE, AND BIOLOGICAL WTFERY.

EVEN THE HTML IS CAPSLOCKED THIS TIME.Collapse )

This entry was cross-posted from http://mercoledi.dreamwidth.org/124367.html.

Posting here for the benefit of a lock. ACTUALLY A FANDOM ENTRY FOR ONCE.
lolnonymous
aztecravemonkey
THINGS I NEED TO START DOING:
READING FICS BEFORE AGREEING TO REVIEW THEM.

THINGS I AM DOING AS A RESULT OF FAILING AT THE ABOVE:
READING A FIC WHICH CONTAINS THE LINE, “At that, [Arceus] nodded in understanding, before asking, ‘Would you like someone to come along with you in case there are any Holocaust deniers throughout your journey?’”

SEND HELP.

WARNING: TRIGGERS FOR RAPE, ZOOPHILIA, VIOLENCE, SERIOUS ABUSE, AND TALKS ABOUT THE HOLOCAUST. YES, THIS FIC WAS ON AFF. I WAS STUPID AND ACCEPTED A REVIEW REQUEST, OKAY?

I THINK THE ONLY WAY I'LL SURVIVE THIS IS BY CAPSLOCKING ABOUT THIS FIC A LOT. AND THEN I'LL FIGURE OUT HOW TO TELL HIM NO AS POLITELY AS POSSIBLE. TRIGGERS FOR RAPE AND GENOCIDE. PLEASE SEE THE ABOVE QUOTE. I'M NOT FUCKING KIDDING HERE.Collapse )

This entry was cross-posted from http://mercoledi.dreamwidth.org/123942.html.

For the second goddamn time in a week...
lolnonymous
aztecravemonkey
For the second time in a week, I have to post to let people know that I'm okay. Why? Because I had to go outside today! :D (Real job has its occasional downsides.)

But I'm home safe and on all the usual messengers (plus social media networks) if you'd like to reach me and discuss how fucking surreal this shit is.

This entry was cross-posted from http://mercoledi.dreamwidth.org/121461.html.
Tags:

Update!
lolnonymous
aztecravemonkey
Hey, guys! Just letting you all know that I’m home safe and chilling. Thanks for checking in to see if I was okay, by the by, even if I haven't commented back. All of you are awesome. :D

This entry was cross-posted from http://mercoledi.dreamwidth.org/121301.html.

I've been a busy beaver.
lolnonymous
aztecravemonkey
There are a grand total of four new fanfics on my AO3 account, and because of this, I've realized that posting my usual header would probably make a hot mess of things.

Instead, you get the run-down!


Not Your Lois Lane is a fic in which Bill runs off to become a superhero, Lanette thinks this is a stupid idea, and shenanigans ensue, largely involving Bill getting kidnapped. Currently not proofread because the Rare Pair Challenge (which I'm writing this for) is ending today, but it will be soon, I swear. In the meantime, I apologize for how much of it looks terrible, although in my defense, it's at least better than the shit I wrote when I was twelve. Probably.

Tactlessness, in which Bebe convinces Lanette to do something stupid, and Lanette realizes for the first time just how ridiculous Bill's accent actually is.

Don't Quit Your Day Job, in which Bill reveals that he knows nothing about women or how to pick them up.

Defying Gravity. This is actually only one scene from the middle of a fic I have yet to finish. The other scenes except one are not yet written, and the unposted scene sucks like all hell. I hope to get back to this one soon because... yeah. It's supposed to be a long and detailed history fic, and I would've finished it had Not Your Lois Lane gotten in the way by being awesome and fun to write.

Feel free to be awesome and leave comments and kudos! :D

In the meantime, I am finally going back to catching up on schoolwork now that this is done because I totally did not spend half the day finishing Not Your Lois Lane. *curls up and dies*

This entry was cross-posted from http://mercoledi.dreamwidth.org/120650.html.

STILL a better script fic than 90% of the ones on FFNet
lolnonymous
aztecravemonkey
So as I said on Tumblr, thanks to Wayback Machine-magic, I found a fansite I created in 2000 -- as in, when I was twelve. And on it, I found one fic. One. And oh my God, it was glorious. Leonardo DiCaprio-versus-Gary Oak glorious.

Because I totally don't have better things to do, I'm sharing it with everyone!

Keep in mind that it's unedited save for the fact that I changed my name from one screen name to another (because I was stupid in the 90's and used my real name as a handle). So, yeah, I really couldn't spell. In my defense, proper fanfic writing practices were not a thing back then. Also in my defense, the 90's were hilarious.

So with that said, please enjoy what I apparently titled, "What Happens When Another Person Writes the Fic." Or as I like to call it as of now, "That One Fic Where Sailor Venus Fights Britney Spears Because Ash Ketchum Made Them Do It."


I literally apologize for absolutely nothingCollapse )

This entry was cross-posted from http://mercoledi.dreamwidth.org/120407.html.

Concerto No. 5: Pokémon
lolnonymous
aztecravemonkey
Title: Concerto No. 5
Status: Complete (one-shot)
Fandom: Pokémon
Characters/Pairings: Bill/Lanette
Genre: Romance/Friendship(ish?)
Rating: G
Summary: As a child, Lanette plays a solo. As an adult, she realizes it should have been a duet.
Author’s Notes: Written for the Pokémon Rarepair Challenge.
Excerpt:

“Anyway,” Bill said, his voice stronger and louder, “I could learn… for you.”

Lanette leaned her cheek a little harder into her violin. “You never did these past few years, and even then, I think it’s cute that you don’t know.”

“Taking lessons from Bebe, I see,” Bill answered, his voice low with mock-annoyance.

“I’m not making fun of you. The fact that you don’t know something makes you human, and I prefer you human. It’s cute.”

Over the sound of her violin, Lanette heard Bill’s low chuckle and his footsteps on the hardwood floor.

“Well, then perhaps I should make it a point to avoid learning anything else that has nothing to do with pokémon,” he quipped.


Now Available On: AO3



First of my entries to the rarepair challenge. Current word count: 1234, apparently.

Fuck yes.

This entry was cross-posted from http://mercoledi.dreamwidth.org/119129.html.

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