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aztecravemonkey


AZTEC RAVE MONKEY

Don't mess with the light switch.


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Posting here for the benefit of a lock. ACTUALLY A FANDOM ENTRY FOR ONCE.
lolnonymous
aztecravemonkey
THINGS I NEED TO START DOING:
READING FICS BEFORE AGREEING TO REVIEW THEM.

THINGS I AM DOING AS A RESULT OF FAILING AT THE ABOVE:
READING A FIC WHICH CONTAINS THE LINE, “At that, [Arceus] nodded in understanding, before asking, ‘Would you like someone to come along with you in case there are any Holocaust deniers throughout your journey?’”

SEND HELP.

WARNING: TRIGGERS FOR RAPE, ZOOPHILIA, VIOLENCE, SERIOUS ABUSE, AND TALKS ABOUT THE HOLOCAUST. YES, THIS FIC WAS ON AFF. I WAS STUPID AND ACCEPTED A REVIEW REQUEST, OKAY?



I HAVE NO IDEA WHO THESE GIRLS ARE. THE AUTHOR PROBABLY ESTABLISHED WHO THESE GIRLS ARE IN THE OPENING PARAGRAPH, BUT I TL;DR’D IT. OKAY, MORE LIKE SKIPPED IT AS SOON AS IT OPENED WITH “SOMETHING SOMETHING SOMETHING DEFEAT OF GANON.” I DIDN’T THINK IT WOULD HELP ME TO UNDERSTAND THE CONTEXT OF THE REST OF THE CHAPTER.

ARCEUS IS LUCAS’S FATHER. I’M SO CONFUSED. I THOUGHT HE WAS ASH’S.

IS THIS HEAVEN? ARE THESE CHARACTERS DEAD? THERE’S A NOT-SO-SUBTLE REFERENCE TO HOLOCAUST TATTOOS ON ONE GIRL’S ARM.

GUYS, IF A CIS-FEMALE IN HER TEENS OR OVER THE AGE OF CONSENT DOESN’T HAVE A WOMANLIKE BODY, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? (DO NOT FUCKING LINK ME TO DANGAN RONPA REFERENCES I SWEAR TO GOD.)

I’M HIGHLY UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE FACT THAT THIS AUTHOR IS TRYING TO MAKE HOLOCAUST SURVIVORS HOT. DOES THAT MAKE ME A BAD LESBIAN?

I DON’T KNOW, BUT I’M PRETTY SURE WEARING EMBLEMS FROM CHRISTIANITY AND A PAGAN GOD AS IF YOU’RE ALLOWED TO HAVE THREE RELIGIONS AT ONCE WOULD MAKE THESE PEOPLE BAD JEWS. THERE’S SORT OF A COMMANDMENT ABOUT THIS SHIT.

WHERE THE FUCK DID REAL-WORLD HORSES COME FROM. I’M SO CONFUSED.

WHY IS IT RELEVANT HOW ASH CAUGHT HIS TAU—

NO.

NO, FUCK THIS.

I’M NOT GOING TO TRY TO MAKE SENSE OF EVERY LITTLE THING IN THIS FIC.

IT STARS FUCKING HOLOCAUST SURVIVORS. HOLOCAUST SURVIVORS WHO HAVE BEEN DESCRIBED AS HAVING HUGE RACKS, WHAT THE FUCK.

THEY MEET HOLOCAUST DENIERS IN VIRIDIAN CITY.

NO, THAT’S IT. THERE’S NO DESCRIPTION OR ANYTHING. IT’S JUST STATED AS BEING A THING THAT HAPPENED. I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON ANYMORE.

AND THEN THEY PASS SARIA, SOME LEGEND OF ZELDA CHARACTER, WHO IS PLAYING MUSIC WHILE CELEBI AND SOME OTHER APPARENTLY MYTHICAL CHARACTER ARE DANCING NEARBY. AND THEN THEY CONTINUE ON AS IF THAT’S NOT A REMARKABLE THING. IT’S LIKE, “OH, THIS ELF CHICK JUST CROSSED DIMENSIONS AND IS PLAYING MUSIC WITH THE FUCKING GOD OF FORESTS AND TIME. JUST ANOTHER TUESDAY FOR US! LET’S GO THROW ROCKS AT WEEDLE.”

AND THEN THEY FIND N JUST CHILLIN’ OUT ON THE GROUND. AND BY CHILLIN’ OUT, I MEAN BEATEN TO AN INCH OF HIS LIFE. AND LUCAS ASKS ABOUT HIS ZEKROM BECAUSE FUCK HUMAN SYMPATHY.

SPEAKING OF SYMPATHY, IT’S REVEALED THAT THE THREE GIRLS WERE TRANSPORTED ACROSS TIME BY CELEBI. LET THAT SINK IN A LITTLE. MILLIONS OF PEOPLE DIED, AND CELEBI JUST SAVES THESE THREE BECAUSE THAT’S ITS DUTY AS A LEGENDARY POKEMON. CELEBI, YOU LITTLE SHIT, YOU HAVE THE POWER TO FUCKING KILL HITLER, AND THAT’S WHAT YOU DO? IT’S BECAUSE OF THE TITTIES, ISN’T IT.

N EXPRESSES CONCERN TOWARDS THE ABUSE OF HIS ZEKROM, AND THEN WITHOUT SKIPPING A BEAT, HE ASKS TO TALK ABOUT MODEL TRAINS. DID I FORGET TO MENTION THAT HE IS CURRENTLY IN THE HOSPITAL BECAUSE GHETSIS DIDN’T FEED HIM FOR THREE MONTHS AND THEN PROCEEDED TO BEAT HIM UNTIL N’S RIBS AND ARM BROKE? NO, THAT IS NOT AN EXAGGERATION. N DID NOT EAT ACTUAL FOOD FOR THREE MONTHS. HE IS CLEARLY POKE-BUDDHA.

ALSO HOW THE FUCK DOES LUCAS KNOW THAT MUCH ABOUT MODEL TRAINS?

AND HOW THE FUCK DOES N KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT YOUTUBE POOP?

WHY DO I FEEL LIKE THE FACT THAT THE AUTHOR KNOWS THIS MUCH ABOUT MODEL TRAINS AND YOUTUBE POOP TELLS ME SO MUCH MORE THAN I NEEDED TO KNOW ABOUT HIM?

PIDGEOTTO WITH A STAR-OF-DAVID BIRTHMARK. DOES THAT MEAN IT’S KOSHER NO MATTER WHAT, OR DO WE STILL NEED A RABBI TO OVERSEE THE BUTCHERING?

I FEEL LIKE “SHE-PALKIA” AND “SHE-ARCEUS” WOULD BE GREAT CONCEPTS FOR CHEESY LATE 70’S/EARLY 80’S COMIC AND CARTOON CHARACTERS. LIKE SHE-HULK, ONLY WITH MORE IMPLIED BESTIALITY.

THE CHAPTER ENDS WITH THE MAIN CHARACTERS BEING SURROUNDED BY GHOSTS OF HOLOCAUST VICTIMS. THE HOLOCAUST VICTIMS ARE TELLING THEM WHO THEY’D LIKE THEIR NEW MOTHERS TO BE ONCE THEY REINCARNATE. MOST OF THEM WANT TO BE REBORN TO POKEMON MOTHERS, AND THIS IS SOMEHOW NOT THE LEAST BIT CREEPY.

JEWS AND CHRISTIANS DON’T EVEN BELIEVE IN REINCARNATION. WTF.

NO, THAT IS NOT THE ONLY THING I FIND CREEPY ABOUT THIS SCENE.

THIS IS ONLY THE FIRST CHAPTER OUT OF FORTY-SIX, AND THE AUTHOR WANTS ME TO LOOK AT THIS AND THE OTHER STORIES HE PUT UP. I’VE LOOKED AT THE AFOREMENTIONED OTHER STORIES. ONE OF THEM INVOLVES ASH AND THE MLP CAST HAVING A NIGHT MARE MOON SUN/FIRE-THEMED RIP-OFF UNDERGO AN AGNI KAI. ANOTHER USES THE TERM “THE GAANG” AS A SERIOUS NOUN. THE LAST HAS THE WORDS “I DO NOT OWN POKEMON, THE BIBLE, OR ZELDA” IN ITS DISCLAIMER, AND PARTWAY THROUGH THE FIRST CHAPTER, A HYLIAN DUDE HOOKS UP WITH A NINETALES. YES, THAT KIND OF HOOKING UP.

HE WANTS ME TO REVIEW THIS.

WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO.

(THE ANSWER SHOULDN’T BE DEAL WITH THE FIRST ONE THE WAY I DEAL WITH ALL TRAINER FICS. BECAUSE THAT ENTAILS SKIPPING TO THE BILL CHAPTER AND DECIDING FROM IT WHETHER I WANT TO RUN AWAY SCREAMING OR SUCK IT UP, AND I’M FRANKLY TERRIFIED TO KNOW WHAT THE BILL CHAPTER IS LIKE. IT’S ALREADY BEEN ESTABLISHED THAT ZOOPHILIA IS OKAY IN THIS UNIVERSE.)


UPDATE: SKIMMED THE REST OF THE FIRST FIC. BILL IS NOT IN THIS AT ALL. *clings to him* IT'S OKAY, BABY. YOU'VE BEEN SAVED.

BUT THERE IS A CHAPTER LATER ON THAT ADVOCATES SEX SLAVERY AS AN APPROPRIATE PUNISHMENT FOR RAPE. ABORT THE FUCKING MISSION.

This entry was cross-posted from http://mercoledi.dreamwidth.org/123942.html.

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WHAT THE EFF

WHO DREAMS UP THIS SHIT

ALSO I LOVE THAT YOU CAN MAKE KASHRUT JOKES AND THAT WE CAN FIND SOMETHING TO LAUGH ABOUT HERE BECAUSE WAT

WHAT EVEN POSSESSES A PERSON TO WRITE SOMETHING LIKE THIS

ALSO for serious, I think you should at the very least make it clear to the writer that "what you wrote is not okay and I am not okay with this." I'm not generally a fan of pressuring people, but in cases where someone is doing something that is obviously not socially cool, I am very for it.

BUT REALLY THIS IS SOME FUCKED-UP SHIT AND WHERE IS THE LINK TO THIS

Most definitely composing a reply, particularly about the Holocaust bits because SERIOUSLY WHAT. I mean, beyond the fact that the main characters are Mary Sues literally taken from Auschwitz, the parts where he talks about historical fact just feel like he barely did research into the subject. And even then, it's like what I said to Jireh: making a fic starring cartoon and video game characters about a historical event of this kind of scale and horror just does not seem respectful in the least. It's like taking a scene of incredible horror and pasting a cutesy Disney song over it, and goddammit, only Fox can get away with that.

And then there's the whole rape thing. And the part where the rapist is turned into a sex slave thing. (GUESS WHAT GENDER THE RAPIST AND THEIR VICTIM IS, BY THE BY.) And the part where the Holocaust survivors want to be reincarnated as Pokémon or to Pokémon mothers. And, um, generally the whole zoophilia thing.

Honestly? The whole thing smacks a little of Sonichu in that I can tell the author is blending all of these fandoms, half to explore his kinks and half to preach about his religion and his politics. Except with Sonichu, things were a bit more coherent because at least CWC actually believed in the shit he was ranting about enough to make some vague amount of sense, whereas there are a lot of things in this fic that Jews and Christians would be lolwut about. I mean, least of all, there's the whole bit of, "No, seriously, why the fuck are these three apparently Jewish girls worshipping multiple gods and Jesus?" I'M ALSO PRETTY SURE THERE WAS SOMETHING IN EXODUS ABOUT MOSES GETTING PISSED OFF ABOUT JEWS MAKING ANIMAL-GOD STATUES, SO I GET THE FEELING GOD WOULD NOT BE OKAY WITH JEWS WORSHIPPING A FOUR-LEGGED WHEEL-GOAT. BUT, Y'KNOW. THAT'S JUST A SLIGHT INKLING HERE. (ALSO, AGAIN, SORT OF A COMMANDMENT ABOUT THIS SHIT, AMIRITE?)

This is going to be a tough review to draft. Technically, I was asked to review by Steelrush, who told me to ask his friend for the link to this thing, so to be very fair, it wasn't the author who requested the review. And even then, there's the fact that this is AFF, so it's sort of a given that it's NSFW and iffy. On the other hand, the religious and historical aspects of it are really not okay, and even if we remotely consider this a noncon kink fic, neither was the entire sex slave bit. And naturally, there are absolutely no warnings anywhere in sight, so there's that too. (And I know even AFF authors warn for shit like this.) So it's really just phrasing it in a way that acknowledges he can totally explore kinks ... just not in a way that involves the Holocaust and bestiality and rape-as-a-good-thing in the same story. Because that's like Rule 34ing Godwin's Law.

(Unfortunately, the Nazis do become a plot point later. So it gets better. IF YOU'D LIKE TO READ IT STARTS HERE!)

Also, thank you! I like to think that if I had a superpower, it would be making borderline tasteless jokes about Judaism that still somehow work. :D (*shot!*)

Edit: I just looked at the author's profile. There are warnings included for every other fic except this one.

????????

Edited at 2013-08-28 05:20 am (UTC)

I'll get to everything else you said in due time (because oy), but I want you to know I have an irl friend with whom I always share links to horrifying Pokemon fics with (and who runs a Bad Fanfiction panel at our local con every year) and he already knew the writer. Unfortunately he had only seen their other fics and "I could just tell they were not going to be good and moved on." He then added "Are you telling me shit gets insane?" and now he's telling me "I'll have to set aside some time to tackle this." Because there are other one-shots about these girls.

JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW.

Oh my God. That made me Google this kid's username, and Farla knew about him too. I thought that username was just vaguely familiar!

I just sent him a politely worded PM (or as politely worded as I could get while saying "dude, you just wrote something offensive towards my friends, my ancestors, and me personally") and talked to Steelrush about it. Apparently, Steelrush is being strong-armed into finding this kid reviewers, and the kid in question has an explosive temper. I'm a little afraid that as a result, Steelrush will actually get ripped into because he sounds like he's too nice to know what to do with that. If he lashes out at me, I'll lol at it, send you a copy, and happily trot off to an admin with a report for flaming. If he's really that kind of explosively angry. I also told Steelrush that if he's getting bullied over fanfic reviews, he should totally report and block the guy.

BUT IT'S NICE TO KNOW HE'S INFAMOUS. Man, now I want to know what your friend thinks of this fic. And how he knew the author. 'Cause I could've sworn he wrote pretty tame stuff (comparatively) a few years ago. Stuff that was somehow a little better.

(Or at least his Serebii fic wasn't as omg what.)

Wow, go figure. Wish the fic Farla reviewed was still available to see, but ten bucks said he's hardly improved since then. Whether or not he can take crit better I also would not count on, but a girl can dream, right? Let me know if you ever get a response!

My friend apparently saw the author in passing, but it sounded like he hadn't seen any of the truly wtf stuff we've been talking about here. I did link to the kid's AFF page and we were pretty much just wtf-ing at it all via Facebook chat.

(I really hope he mentions this at next year's Bad Fanfiction panel, but he apparently stays away from discussing Pokémon fics because he loves the fandom so much and doesn't want it ruined or something. idk. He's a shipper, which imo explains a lot. /biased)

Edited at 2013-09-07 06:07 am (UTC)

Also holy cow, I'm skimming their one-shots and I just want to shoot myself. And I kind of vomited a little in my mouth at the best opening to a Holocaust story ever: "It was a gloomy day at Auschwitz as usual." Yeah, "gloomy" about sums up a place where genocide was committed.

Yep. 'Course, it could always be worse.

(Seriously, though? I legitimately can't tell if fetishizing Holocaust victims is better or worse than fetishizing the Nazis themselves.)

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